Dating Violence Hurts Everyone

Dating violence is repeated verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse used to frighten, hurt, and control a girlfriend or boyfriend.

It is a power play and may include:

• not allowing them to go out with friends
• telling them how to dress, act, or think
• hitting or slapping
• pulling hair
• threatening to find someone else
• name calling or put downs
• not letting them make decisions
• expecting them to apologize or cover for you
• following them around
• constantly criticizing
• jealousy
• possessiveness
• threatening suicide if your partner wants to break up
• accusing them of flirting
• forcing sexual acts
• talking them into going further sexually than they want
• not letting them leave when they want
• destroying letters or gifts
• blaming them for violence

The abused partner may:

• be scared
• feel confused that someone they love hurts them
• deny or minimize the abuse
• try to change their behavior to stop the abuse
• change the way they dress
• give up or be cut off from their friends
• start to lose self-confidence

The abuser may:

• make excuses for their behavior
• think abuse is normal in a relationship
• make threats
• feel like they do not have control in the relationship
• grow increasingly abusive over time
• face criminal charges
• be dropped from their group of friends

If you are being abused:

• remember you are not responsible for the abuse-you cannot make someone hurt you-they choose to do it
• the abuse will happen more and hurt more without outside help
• find someone to talk with about the abuse
• think of ways you can be safe
• recognize that sometimes it is dangerous to be with them even though you care about your partner

If you are abusive:

• no one can make you use violence-you are the only one who can choose to be abusive
• no one has a right to control or hurt another person
• accept responsibility for your actions
• find someone to talk to who can help you
• remember, you don’t have to physically hurt someone to be abusive-think about all of your behaviors